Pick Up Lines for the Backyard Homesteader

I'd cultivate your crops so hard.

I'd like a son out of your cock.

I'd like to grease you up like a pig and chase you round the barnyard.

I'd plow your field.

I'll be the John to your Deere, and we can run together forever.

I'll bring you a sammich during plant/harvest.

I'll starch your shirts AND your jeans.

I'll tell you how many acres I farm.

I'm a chicken farmer, so I know how to work with eggs baby.

I'm a fifth generation farmer.

I'm an artificial inseminator, would you like to be inseminated?

I'm really good at fertilizing.

I've got some new rubbers, so it's ok to sow my wild oats if it gets too wet in the field.

If I were a tractor and you were a plow, I would definitely hook up with you.

If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my fence.

If you were a chicken, you'd be impeccable.

Is that a phone in your pocket is your rooster happy to see me.

Is that a pole shed, or are you glad to see me?

Is that a wrench in your pocket or are you just happy to be harvesting?

Is that corn in your silo, or did you have to plant barley this year too?

Is your daddy a farmer? Cause you sure do know how to raise the cock.

I’d like to raise your barn.

I’ll take a half dozen organic eggs and one of you.

I’m not a farmer, but I’d plough the s**t out of you.

I’ve always wanted to be a farmer’s wife.

Jump in the back of my pickup truck and ride me back to town...

Let me show you my magic garden.

Look at all that fertile land waiting for us.

Look at the size of that cock!

Meet me at the back with a forty...

Meet me in the corn field I'll kiss you between the ears.

Mmm, these honey samples are so mouthwatering.

My dear, you look radishing tonight.

My farmers tan is all over my body.

My name must be John Deere cause I'm totally a Tractored to you.

My parents don't live on the same property.

My roses aren't the only things with long stems.

My seed is performing really well this season.

My seed is superior to any other man's.

My tractor only has 2000 hours.

Nice cock.

Nice horseshoes, wanna fuck?

Nice set of silos you got there.

Of all the beautiful faces I just can't look pastures.

So what's your moisture level?

So, can I be your apprentice? I want to learn all about this farm to fork movement...

That's not a cob of corn in my overalls.

The back seat of my new Dodge Ram lays right down.

There should be government regulations against all your goodness.

This scale house has never smelled so good. It must be you.