Senior Citizen Pick Up Lines

I want to sweep you off your walker and into your wheelchair.

I wouldn't mind seeing you for the rest of my life.

I'd walker with you to the ends of the earth.

I'll hold your teeth if you would hold my cane!

I'll meet you for dinner. Does noon work?

I'm dieing to see you. Literally. I don't have much time left.

I'm going to a funeral tomorrow...do you want to join me?

I'm on my fourth hour so let's get this done so you can get me to the emergency room.

I've fallen for you and I can't get up! No worries though, life alert is on its way!

I've fallen for you and I can't get up.

I've got a handrail in my shower, babe!

I've got a tiny blue pill with your name on it.

I've got a Victrola back in my room. Wanna hear my Sinatra record?

Im 80 but i dont feel a day over 79.

Is that a catheter in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

Is that a Depends under your pants or are you just glad to see me?

Is that a new hip or are you just happy to see me?

Is that a shattered hip, or are you just happy to see me?

Is that your catheter line...or are you just pleased to see me?

Just gotta new hip replacement. How's about you and me take it for spin?

Let's get a nice drink of prune juice sometime.

Let's get crazy and leave our teeth in tonight.

Let's make sweet love in the backseat of my car by the light of the blinking left turn indicator.

Let's move things to the bedroom. We can use my stairlift.

Ma'am, you're so fine I don't even need a Viagra! But I'll take one anyways. Or two.

May I take you to dinner? Next Monday would be best because that's when my social security check arrives.

My hips don't lie...except for the artificial one.

My kids are all grown up. We can have the house to ourselves, until I fall asleep around 7, 7:30 pm.

My van has a wheelchair lift.

No, I didn't have a stroke; I was actually winking at you.

None of my children lives with me.

Ohh baby...you're making my arteries hard.

One game of penochle and your desitin ass is mine.

Sit in my lap and let's talk about the first thing that pops up, or until my legs fall asleep.

So, what was your name again?

The doctor says I need more vitamin U.

Waiter, you have an aged, dry white? Something to complement the little lady here.

Wanna come back to my place and see my itchings?

Wanna judge these reckless teenagers together?

Wanna sit on my lap and take a ride on my Hoveround?

Wanna try out my new hip?

Want to blow my grankids' inheritances?

What's a nice girl like you doing in a nursing home like this?

What's a nice girl like you doing in... wait, where am I?

When i look at you, my arteries aren’t the only things that harden.

Where have you been all my life? Because I'm about to die soon.

Where have you been pretty much all of my life?

Where'd you get that pretty MedicAlert bracelet?

Why don't you and I share a sunset near the local pharmacy?

You and my cardiac stent have something in common, my heart needs you.